let’s pretend…

~the view from my window this morning~

Let’s pretend that since I last posted that I just carried along with my semi-idyllic bed rest, reading to little ones and playing games and keeping spirits up.  Not that I ended up in two different hospitals with consultations with countless doctors at both and in between.  Let’s pretend that I’m not still recovering from the general anesthesia and  surgery for something other then the surgery that I am still, as of yet, trying to avoid.  Let’s pretend that I, who never so much as takes cough syrup aren’t on a barrage of medicines that when I’m not in too much pain, knock me out for hours on end or that I wake up crying, for reasons no one, including me understand, before falling back to sleep again.  That the vivid dreams I have during these times aren’t impossible to distinguish from reality.  Let’s pretend that I don’t have another consult for yet more potential surgeries.  Let’s pretend that there are actually days when I’m lucid enough to enjoy my family, that attempting to knit 1/4 of a row or lifting a hardbound book doesn’t exhaust me.  Let’s pretend that I haven’t lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks because between the pain and the pills I just can’t convince myself to eat.  Let’s pretend that on top of it all everyone else in the house, including the main caretaker aren’t in various stages of a nasty cold.  Let’s pretend that none of that is true because I’m having an ok-ish day.  I don’t want to tempt fate by declaring I feel nearly human, but I’ve managed to drop one pill from my regiment (for now) and this is the first day in a while that I’ve felt like my mind and my body are at least a little bit my own.  And so I want to think and talk of anything else…any pretty little everyday thing.

For Christmas this year we couldn’t really think of anything much that the kids needed or really anything that would enrich their lives.  At least nothing that couldn’t be used as stocking stuffers (i.e. art supplies).  And I am still very much on my not wanting to bring random stuff into the house for no reason kick.  So instead of several little gifts, we decided to give one big gift for everyone.  Steve built an ice rink in the front yard, and we updated ice skate for those who needed them.  Building an ice rink is a long, slow process, much more so then you might think, with layer upon layer added over the course of many days, but worth the effort I think.

These pictures are from just after Christmas.  It was really the first official time skating for the younger two, while the other two zoomed in circles around them.  Such a fun first.  I’m so glad I was able to be there.


10 thoughts on “let’s pretend…

  1. Michelle

    So sorry for the way you feel. It must be awful. You must take such joy in the simple things, now more than ever. And your beautiful children… such lovely smiles. Feel better.

  2. MamaAshGrove

    Oh, oh Melody. Nothing I can say but that I am so sorry- wishing you strength and speedy healing, and sending you peace and huge hugs.
    The skating rink is WONDERFUL.
    Love, Mel

  3. sarah

    I am so very sorry you are so unwell, I hope you feel better soon. I’m glad you have good doctors looking after you, from the sound of it. Wishing you many blessings of health and happiness.

  4. nancy

    Melody! what can i do? email or call me and let me know. can i play with kids? bring you food? thinking about you and your family….

  5. Carol Urban

    I have lived through some of those vividly horrifying drug induced nightmares you are speaking of. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this situation and will pray that things vastly improve soon!

  6. Taisa

    Oh Melody, I am so sorry this is happening right now. Sending you healing and hope for a speedy recovery. Big hugs for you and your beautiful family in this tough time.
    xoxo Taisa

  7. Alexa

    Blessings to you and your beautiful family, I am so sorry that this is happening – may the grace of Spring visit your family early.

  8. Jen

    Oh Melody- I so wish this weren’t happening and you were well. Many hopes and prayers I am sending to you and your family- you are such a blessing to all of us, I wish we could be for you as well.

  9. Christina

    My heart hurts for you. You are right to think of what is beautiful each day. What a great gift for the kids. I’m sure there have been many happy hours. *** christina

  10. Nadine

    So sorry to hear about your health problems- hope you feel better soon! Melody, you are such an inspiration – even under the most trying circumstances your bright spirit shines through in your words and pictures and in the sweet faces of your beautiful family. Blessings and well wishes to you all.

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