When I haven’t posted here for a while I have a hard time getting back into it. I sometimes feel like I’ve lost my voice. Kind of like when you run into an acquaintance you haven’t seen for a while and neither of you really knows what to say. It’s hard to get the conversation started. I think it was good for me to have a break. It made me wonder about my future in this space. Perhaps it’s time to move on?
As you may have guessed, our computer problems passed the point of no return. My laptop wouldn’t stay on for more than 2 minutes at a time. It has since been replaced, but I’m not completely set up here yet.
I don’t think it will come as a great galloping shock to anyone to hear that I’ve been struggling this summer, and if I’m completely honest for some time before. There are many factors, but I think the most pressing one is this feeling that I’m spending my entire life either being sick or trying to catch up from being sick. Normally I’m very good at putting things into perspective. This is my life. This is the body I’ve been given and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to make the most out of every possible moment! But this last round kind of did me in. Not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well. The last time I got Lyme Disease, I was probably the healthiest I’d ever been in my adult life. I had worked very hard to get to that point. And in all the time since I’ve never recovered even a fraction of that level of wellness. I made it back to functioning (and even that often requires a whole lot of just pushing through the exhaustion and pain) and never more. To be in that situation again, I couldn’t help but wonder what would be lost this time? The better part of a much needed summer for starters. So I’ve struggled. I am struggling. But I’m trying. And the more I can be a part of the beautiful every day and reclaim my life as I wish it to be, the lighter that burden feels.